Introduction

 This is not a blog. This is a journal. I think writing is a great way to analyze your thoughts. Writing is no mean task. Even this badly worded essay requires a lot of thinking on my part. I have to read ALL that  I write, and in the process, I analyze it. Like now, I know how bad I really am at writing. I had just assumed that I'd turn out reasonably competent when it came to writing, if I ever got to writing, but as is abundantly evident, I am not.

So now I have established a reason for this activity. These are posts that shall never see print(obviously). They will probably not be read by anyone, except perhaps me, from time to time, to see how far I have come. It is a lot like Severian throwing his life's work from the deck of that spaceship he was on, hoping someone, someday will catch it, read it, and immortalize it. I am not looking for immortalization, if indeed thats a word(the red squiggly line below it suggests that it is not). Then what am I looking for? Is it really to analyze my thoughts? Or am I lying to myself? Severian was such a good liar. He knew that to legitimize a lie, the liar had to believe in it before anyone else. And that's what he did. He genuinely believed in all his lies. Perhaps in the beginning, he would make conscious efforts in this direction, but slowly that thin line between his beliefs and the facts that he knew to be true faded, and he himself could no more tell the difference between the two. Perhaps I am another Severian. Perhaps I have made myself believe that I am not after recognition ( as if this obscure blog would ever get me any recognition),whereas in reality, I am just as hungry for recognition as the next man. And maybe I have lied to myself so thoroughly and believed in that lie so zealously, that I myself am confused about who I am and what I want.

See, this is what I hate. The way great personalities are shoved down metaphorical young throats, everyday. Your caregivers just don't want you to be you. They want you to be their version of what some famous personality is. And then it catches on. You don't want to be you either. Christians and Muslims believe they are inherently flawed and need to become more like this personality or that. Many young kids, till a few years back wanted to be like that missile scientist Kalaam. Now they want to be like God knows what( I am thoroughly out of touch with people and society in general).This leads you to believe that there is something inherently wrong in the way you are and you need to change it. And without questioning, you start this never ending quest of bringing out "changes" in your life. 

You want to get up early, you want to change your appearance, you want to think pious thoughts, you want to be happy. Because if you are any or all of the above, you are incomplete. At least that is what you  are made to believe. But should you be working towards happiness? Should the H word really be the end goal? Or should it be a product of the end goal? Someone told me that the way to do research is to formulate a hypothesis, collect evidence, and see if the latter proves or disproves the former. Let's make that our goal for this blog,sorry, journal. See? I told you I was lying to myself. This IS a blog. I Am a sucker for recognition.

So, as discussed just a few seconds ago, the ultimate goal of this blog is to find the ideal ultimate goal in life. For that , we are going to need: 

1) One hypothesis

2) As much evidence as possible i.e. incidents from real life and their impact on people.

3) Analysis of the above incidents,experiences to see if they support the hypothesis.

4) If the hypothesis fails, repeat step 1!

                                                                                                    Room 209,

                                                                                                    JW Mariott,Juhu, 

                                                                                                    Bombay.09-Jan-2021